(click to enlarge)
My plan for.. after I graduate Upper Secondary School

How does it look like? :D Any one else going around or something?
I know Andrien will be surely some point able to meet \:D/

I CAN HAS USEFULL DREAMS<3

Beating hearts.. of what?

Fri-Sat night I couldn't sleep, just didnt feel like it and I started to drawing instead my ALTparty costume (I love dressing up, and I'm planning to dress up as Haruhi Suzumiya and Chibiusa this year) In some point forced myself to sleep for 2-hours :D 9 am my work started at Kamppi's Cyber Shop, I enjoy working there! And lots of new stuff has come in to the store .. which is actually the minus side of work - you have to live with those all yummy clothing and pink piercings! .. then you kinda have to buy all of them! Mine (a cool young lady with the cutest smile and kick-ass attitude) came back from Japan and brought as candy! \o/ (yes the photo is taken at the cashier desk, and below them are piercings we sell :P) She is a like the 3rd person saying that 2-weeks in Japan isn't enough! <3>4 pm Aleksi came to my work asking if I would care for a movie, as his tickets were going to expire yesterday. Why not. We decided to go for 'Kielletty Hedelmä' (we liked his earlier movies so..) Then we went to Sizzle to take bolognese pizzas (it's cheap and classic, normal BUT delicious) Then we went to his and his mom's place (15 m from Sizzle) to eat them and take a nap before the movie. And I told totally everything about my trip in germany, BreakPoint all details and all happiness and sadness.


7 pm We decided to go visit the 9th floor's balcony. Even I concider Aleksi as my best friend we haven't hang out like this in ages! This kind of views remind me why I actually like Helsinki, even it looks so grey, old and dusty. It has secrets, in the inner yards - breathing summer heart beat no matter what's the time of year.
Guess I like everything old. I also like the elevator.
Think it's kinda cool that everything is so near in Kamppi. When you walk the up hill from Aleksi it has Sizzle, next to it the best sexshop in the city, after that Aula Baari (where Aleksi and Luumis usually hang out), Kebab house and then that arrow is pointing to Kamppi Shopping center, where i work and where my bus terminal to home is and where the underground to school leaves. AND the cinema is right next to Kamppi. Cool neeeeeh~?
And me making faces at a mauleuoummm (dunno how it's spelled, but like a memoriam for dead)
Before the movie we took this gigantic ice cream portion! It has a gigantic ball of chocolate and another one as mint, lots of whippedcream and chocolatesauce and chocolate decoration.
I have been thinking a lot about, being grown up and older people - I wonder as Aleksi is just 1 year me older. When is this all sillyness going to end and what after then?
"Do you think we will eat ice cream and take silly pictures even after you get married?"
"Yes, I'll just tell her that you aren't anything to be jealous about - you have been longer in my life and you are my ice cream friend"
With Aleksi it's so easy to be, it's okay to me just have ice cream around my face and laugh loudly. I don't want to grow up, it scares me. It will surely kill me with sheer boringness.
A picture of Kamppi shopping centrals main entrance. I realized that I have only one year to go with school and it's only about doing the finals - and I hope it will be a easy year \o/
My plans incluede at this point only "school and saving". I'll finish my school now with good grades and then reward myself with trips :3
8.30 -10pm The movie was boring but atleast it made me think things again! It was about two Laestadian girl that explore the attractions of Helsinki which aren't approved by God. The trailer, unfortunally only in finish. I hope my looks wont make a big scene in Phillipines, I think it would be unfair kinda if they wont let me into the church looking like this :/
Sometimes Maali feels like a father figure at some points. We talked a lil bit ab things that have been confusing me lately and he simply and correctly says : "that's being naive"
Like the movie taught, I should have thought are things really worth of all those exploring and sadness.
I have been too easy and naive. Being fooled just makes me feel so stupid. Why didn't I think that of course they like piercings, tattoos, anime - cuz I like too. A very gentleman man who likes pierced, tattooed anime wathing girls would be too perfect. I'm just silly and young and older men just have totally different kind of ambitions. I have to deal with it, booooriing ( BUT I WANT TO).

Well my mom told me not even concider having a crush or a boyfriend before I can cook properly :DD That's a good rule I think.
Backyard of Kamppi shopping center. Today I'm going to cheerleading and then back here at my parent's home.
( I love my dad's food!!)

Everything that really matters

My sister just came back from Germany \o/ and she went to school with her own will even she didnt have to go to school as she was allowed to stay home after coming from germany :D
I think that attitude is handy when going to upper secondary school - yay next fall we both are in upper secondary schools!

Now while I'm listening to Amelie's soundtrack - I realize that I'm having a very romantic view of living.. romantic as the art style, gender etc. everyhting is nice, i see only nice things, im able to do all things i dream of!

This is just how life goes on and guess mom was right and as I know that mom was it doesn't feel so bad anymore.
Guess saving money for even one year is good so I can travel immediately when A want ..cuz have savings ^^

Its spring <3 and took my longboard here at my parents place ^^ niteboarding!

Send me

Ah i feel so terrible right now.
My appartment is not getting rent..
And it didn't make me feel any better as my mom had put my plasticbag from the base - into the trash. Kinda symbolized too much.

ah.. luckily atleast I have bananas and energydrink at work.
But guess how I want some banana-wallnut-mini muffins. And guess who does they remind me of.

Guess Aleksi was right.. no happiness without shit.
Guess it's because I was happy ab going to states.. too soon. Why are higher forces now punishing me.
I have feelings.

Getting people scared wont get you very far

Oh I wish to have some work (=money)*thumbs up*
I'm going to Atlanta - end of story!

I just have to fix the place where to sleep, keep my things and shower.
I registered myself to couchsurfers and hospitalityclub - but dunno maybe I'm too shy to do that?

I kinda thought that renting an appartment would be cool too - but guess i cant'afford that ..

hmm now.. I have to take it wasy and first think ab possibilities and then ..buy the flight ticket>:B

no ..Hotels (expensive)
no ..Hostels (too expensive compaired to the condition i read ab in the internet)
no ..Motels (okay they are only in movies)
maybe ..CouchSurfing (i'm just afraid i'm too shy to get known with someone)
maybe/yes ..Some one who lives in Atlanta? (beeest one!)

I have also concidered to sell some of my things .. shirts are easy: all i dont use = yes i can get rid off theese. But then theres things i dont wear but I would like to wear. For example this Lip Service's Pranksta skirt which is awesome but so so so so many have been crying it from me - so i should maybe sell it?

No one wants your opinion

Tiny mind. When I watch oldboy here and you somewhere, anywhere else than with me. You know, I know what we are thinking of. Damn, missing people feels so bad. Why did you have to go.

My mom called and asked if I want her to come with me to the court. 'It's okay' - 'I took the turtle with me'

My mom really doesnt doubt me being strong but. I love her.

who'd have known

np: Lily Allen -It's not me It's you


I feel tired for a long time. Guess it's good but i really dont want to go back to normal as I'm not sure what normal is. Cheerleading was fun trained something for our show :3
I wasnt feeling good at the practise but it's nice to have something else to think. Also I made my final project ready to hand in. Super glad ab it now ^^

Last Friday we went to see Slumdog Millionaire. Super good movie! Needed some change to movies I have been watching lately (shaun of dead, resident evil, asian vision etc.)
I can recomend it to everyone.

The movie made me think too much. Missing and wanting things.
Missing that neck from where i breathed hot moist, when we were breathless and me grabbing that neck with my tiny hands. Seeing necks in that way and noticing that it's wrong to think them .. makes me feel like very obsessed.
Guess this is just me being confused, how did everything happened and what is there for me later? It wasn't me, but i dont regret doing anything.. puff... wow.. what did i do. And I cant really talk ab it to anyone, playing it my head all alone feel pervert.
I want him, I want to do something meaningful, I want to do something exciting!

Ah why cant I just take a bus to his place? Why did I born 10 years too late?

I feel myself so paranoid and I have kinda adopted the way girls usually think ab boys - and it worries me. Like thoughts "what does he REALLY thinks ab me, if im just one in between 100 other girls." And older guys have always random girls. ah /quit boring, low-selfesteem, crush talk!

It's not fair and I think you are really mean.
"If you ever step to U.S I'll get you out of there in the very same minute! It's not a problem to me come there! Dont you understand, I love you and nowbody else isn't able to do that!"
You cry and I feel myself small. Chiisana.
You say I'm too small, too young, too immature to everything and you don't .. want me to go away from your eyes.

I wore theese boots again in the photoshoot and i actually like them again. As they have used theese very same boots in fashion magazine dispite of all the gothicness - I could wear them too, atleast they make me ab ~165cm tall!


Oh guess i need some sleep now. I want to be in atlanta already. In a hotelroom eating chocolate and maybe drinking some original soda. Or "fresh coca-cola".

Please, let me be with you . (asdf now the chobits theme "let me be with you" stuck on my head)
Thank you for being so nice to me.

Oh I dont know why

Germany. It was Europe. Jugendbuildings and big city life.
I stayed at Topy's place and we went to the Köln zoo and grilled and went camping to the backyard middle of the night. (i would upload ton's of pictures but.. not now)

Breakpoint was fun! Meeting people cross the internetZ<3 and seeing Ruinah ^^
and yeah guess it's okay to reveal that he was the man that lived 400km from Köln, the mister whose-name-can't-be-mentioned.
It was sunny and I ran back and ford that when he is going to be at the gate. And he was taller than I rememberd! He also gave me a turtle keyring that I named.. korny or not... Shawn.
Saga_Musix, Dranix, Knoeki, urs, Maali, nett and everybody<3
It was fun also with finnish demosceners ^^ Thank you thank you!

Lot's of supercool entries and lot's of booze!
(I'm sry to write this boring...)
BUT mon-sun night Ruinah had to go, and yeah it didn't feel like 'Goodbye's so.. he asked me if i would come with him to Ansbach - to his work, to the military base of America! Of course I did, yeah it's 250km from Bingen, but in that point didn't care. The runaway feeling! And police stopped us and searched as, how exciting!
The ase was cool but it felt like a superlong goodbyes.. like i stopped counting hours with him but.. it was blue there..literally.
Then again when he took me to the airport at tuesday it felt like we were heading to another adventure.

I feel something - for real - and nothing bad feelings, like real and warm feelings and they don't really make any sense.
(ps. I should really get rid off of my inglishu....)

I want to go to Atlanta. And I'll know it at tuesday, and Sini wanted to go with me. I dont really dont want to harass Shawn, especially when he just arrived home but.. need to..
hope i wont turn as a weird stalker .__.

kissmarks related to telemark!

I'm kinda done with my final work (buttons and ironing not done yet) and tomorrow i'll work with my breakpoint entry.

I'm so t i r e d and waiting for the flight cuz I'm thinking "oh then I can sleep!" .. like this day is morning and day after tomorrow would be bedtime.

Dunno, but again as I'm some where away (note: I haven't even left the country) I already know I'm going to miss bunch of things and its not even a long trip ;___;
Sounds nasty, but I wish that I'll forget the "things" (*cough* person) so I can be super relaxed - but guess it's a bad sign as im thinkin ab "things" even when I'm picking what panties to wear, food, drinking fanta, touching video-games, listening to music, going to sleep, brushing my teeth or being with someone. Kinda annoying. Stupid "things" .. grr I promised myself never let any "things" to affect my life anymore! ...and here we go again. I hope this would be just a phase, but then I would long it and SEE HOW DIFFICULT THIS IS!?
(well as he is a lil bit older than me I'm sure "things" is going to forget ab me and blargh, I'm stuck in teen thinking and cant'get over anything)

Then @ Breakpoint! All friends coming accross the earth, how does it feel to say bye bye to them and "see you next year".............
and how about mr. "whose-name-can't-be-mentioned" it's 'Good Bye' to him, it feels sooooooo
serious that I will never EVER see him again, never till I die!
Thank GOD for .JPG<3
noo... As Malakai mentioned ab him^ (he reads my blogspot OMG!) I really started to think - damn im naive, how can i have a serious crush w/ someone across the internet - and is it a good sign that i couldn't even say in internet "hey youa re cool". Let's LOL to it and forget it now ok? But guess it keeps you alive to have butterfly in your tummy as fuel? :3

Now I have them because of a totally new "thing" and okay it's also spring \o/

Must be done:
x Breakpoint entry
x hair dye and cut
x getting ready for saturday!