It won't kill you

There has been recently dozens of situations where I have had to eat my words.
"I never will... ", "it will be okay for me if..."

No, yes, no, yes - and learn it in a ugly situations.

Lastest: I thought that it won't ever be a problem that I would date a person whose style difference alot from mine. I'm not political, religious and I don't care other peoples using what ever they are using as long as they don't push me to do it.

There's always guys, usually in bars, that can up to me and flatter my hair be suprised about my piercings - in a positive way. But then out the bar they won't handle my looks.
I'm jealous of my workmates relationships, they like red and black, shoes or they have a dog and guinnea pigs!
I or who ever I'm dating have one thing in common - internetZ.

Maybe it's my thing but - pfffffff. It's been a while when I listen to the same music with someone that we both like ( expect my workbebes<3), or had someone talk about art, ferrets or how cool could it be to eat pizza in the middle of the night at the play-grounds' buildings roof?
Or just run crazy only in sweat pants?

I miss people that can see underneath and who aren't superficial.
Crap I just seem to be the reason why I don't have them around me anymore.

Atleast when I come to work that couple shifts I work in a month - it makes me remember how cool especially the grrrllls are, the have their own oppinons and stick to them no one seems to be on their way.
And I'm lousy -super lousy - compared to them.
I want to be feisty too!

I want to feel also 'it LOVEE DESU' what my mind lacks - but I know it's not there where I want it to be.
And the fear that it's history or it's is some where in past "In my youth".
Even our career conselour went " ihihihihi you could get married in 2 years"
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
OR OKAY I want to get married, but hell.
If it means that I'll live in a warm place with someone super-nice who likes chocolate and animals - And who accepts me like this. Maybe likes to even try fingerpaints.

And doesn't replace sex with porn.

ps. kuva ois kiva