I see your shadow

This morning it was so hard to wake-up.
I felt you beside me, felt the same tiredness as that navyblue night.
Viekää minut sinne missä hän on

Had to let go, painful.
Before you I never felt like wanting to spend the whole day in bed. That day I wanted to do that for sheer happiness, today it was because I didnt want to live this day. Just to skip to a better tomorrow.
Varhain opin, miten hauras onni onkaan
kuinka se ei kestä kauaa

I went to therapy for the last time, it was the same weather - same time of the year.
She hugged me, but still not knowing when her birthday is.
Another girl with weird cloths sitting in the waitingroom - wondering what her background story was.

Now it's real, true, I'm lost where ever I go. And there's no one in my heart either.
Only left now is hard will.
and I know what is possible to do with it.

Minä odotan täällä tunnelissa
jossa valo kylmä hohtaa jossa pimeän koirat ulvoen tuon kirkkauden kuoron kohtaa
Kaikki kävi niin pian
kun aina luulin, että vahitellen lähden
Minä katuisin
vaan en tiedä kuinka
enka edes minkä tähden

Let me be with you.

Hey little girl I want to be your boyfriend

I'm covered in paint, incluiding my belly.

My aunt passed away today.

I picked up the book left for me "To Nikki" in our one store. House to House by David Bellavia - I was in the second page (!!) and it made me go "wtf.." and put it back to be lost in the bag.
It can't be about smashing candy bars and heath, sunburn and smell of urine? (yes .. 2nd page)
I had a photobook of WW2 in age of 14.. and it shows that going to war is being proud and doing nice tricks with an airplane, too romantic huh?
Someone is making a joke of me..

I don't like un-happy news, especially when it's told to you that you have atleast one year of happiness. Or that one time.

It might be that we wont never ever see again

Aunt Alice wont be there singing with me no more.

My life feels so unreal.
Wtf is this? Do I really need to do this? If I dont like it.
I dont want to be so tough all the time.
I'm a tree hugger, a vampire

Once you have tasted it, and you knwo you wont ever get it again, it makes you just give-up and
I was thinking about that tiny moment when I was biting his shoulder, a blue morning

Love chocolate. I'm tired.

Avocado once In a Day

I do not like airline season prices x___X If I wont get a under 600€ flight to Atlanta this summer .. I'll fly there 24th of September (right after my finals)
Well I waited for 6 months so this 4 months can't be that bad.
Which is actually good - cause I ahve to finish my patintings and other works for Altparty, read to finals, study hardCORE.......

Hmm atleast, I got the special saw needed to my work from Seba - he is so helpful when it comes to things like this :DD I'm sure he is going to saw and hammer the work for me as " I cant do anything like this properly" according to him. Well we will see....

And I'm confused about maps there.. I looked to Marietta's map... waat it's not like any Haukilahti (a place in Espoo which you can walk thru) It's Huge - biger than Helsinki - and near a hotel there is a Air Force base and - scaaaaryyyyyyy... ;_____________; I was planning first stay in Atlanta so maybe I can meet some hip people that can show me around - and then start to get lost towards Marietta, the hotel.. which should be easy to locate as it's near a highway.
AND it has been told to me that outside Atlanta there's almoust zero public transport, and well maybe I can cycle myself 14 miles :-----------------D
But guess I could stay first in the hotel and from there start to explore how things work ..
I have been thinking this too much - better to suprise myself there \o/

Now I promise not to update about this trip until I have booked the tickets... guess it's more interesting to read about my... Cyberlocks project for ALTparty!!!

So I'll sign off now! ( and come back with the hair tutorial! Or about my paintings!)

Akeboshi Wind

My package from DreadViolette arrived today \o/ Pink wireloom, kamekalon fiber and a foam sheet :3 *pink pink* Started to work on it right away, but now after I tried one dread -Found out that need thicker ones! >:B But I'll leave the "real ones" for a better time.

Today I woke up early again - and went to hunt a backpack for me again. I decided to take the one in Partioaitta, (eng: Scoutfench? :----D) as I had so wonderful customerservice there last time when visited the store ( the boy let me try the backpack on me and introduced all the pockets...) It's a 50liters bag and an airplane friendly *bla bla* it's cute!

4 weeks and 6 days to Phillipines .. and a couple more for Atlanta! \o/
I really can't think anything else than the noice of jeepneys, skycrapers and my gran mom's food <3____<3

I'm so happy now - Life is nice!

ps. I like people that appreciate and enjoy even tiny things :3 dunno.. it's nice to see and I undertand those kind of people.

I think it's cute when foreign people try to translate something into finnish and then sms it :3

Always Too Late

Heh, I was already crying for happiness last night cause I thought I'm going to Atlanta at 8th of June - but then.. "Hey I have a tattoo appointment at that time...."

Well.. Maybe I wont rush into that trip, I'll let it season a month or two :3 I need to prepare "things I REALLY want to do in U.S" ( for example: to eat a bic mac meal with coke - and drink coke tooo!!!)
I'm going to tranfer a bunch of cash to my savings account next monday - and wont touch them before the day of booking flights or so. PROMISE.

My plan was going to Atlanta in beginning of August or in September after my finals tests.
(I really should be studying this summer -_-)
And I plan to stay in International Hostel of Atlanta, which is located quite near of the CocaCola factory or something \o/ .. And Kirsti told me about Little Five Point so I must visit that too and of course I must meet Shawn at some point :3

This Atlanta - trip is going to be like my "practise level" of travelling: "Metropolitan in english"
and the boss stage will be: Tokyo - next spring :P
Now after wathing Madventures again, I kinda long for a friend to go with me and I hope Aleksi or anyone could make it there with me n___n
It's weird as when I was small I couldn't or didnt want to be alone at all. Now I'm very exact of my company, and after my heart tumbled month ago can't even look others "in that way".. dude you took my heart


Tomorrow is Mothers day - And today we went with my mom to Helsinki to eat some bagels and donuts.

I bought her some macaroons for tomorrow ( or today) in chocolate, pistachio and strawberrie - flavor!

I finally got myself a pair of lenses we sell at Cybershop. They are the best quality ever -as they even make a hint of colour in my super-black"brown" eyes! Theese ones are "Violet Haze" (29€ pair) they have black circles in the outline and some violet going in the middle ^^ (well you maybe dont see the differense .. but I'm happy x) ) As they are a huge boom in asia.. I'm a victim too! And I was going to order the same pair as Kipi uses in her Haruhi Suzumiya pictures/cosplays! \o/
s!

and guess "being friends" is the best thing to do and I even figured it myself!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow it's been exactly one month from the moment I hugged him for a long time.
weird.

I was at the careers counceler filling up the form for the finals next autum. I will be doing Sex and health education and psychology.
Then in spring mathematics, finnish and english.

No matter where on earth I am - I will be always so lost.

I want to have some real laugh. But currently I dont like shaking hands and I hate it when some people that i expect to know that press me doing it.
Yes, it's polite but it makes me sick if .. you are just standfing there telling me to shake hands.
I dont understand you and you wont never understand me.

You said I'm so tiny

yesterday I saw a dead bird. A tiny round one.
Today it's about peachflowers. In reality all my anger is about missing. I miss you and you wont even think about it.
I cant even hug other people cause it feels wrong. I want your hug and your arms. And you wont ever feel in the same way *moody feet stamping*
Why are seas so big