first HATEHATEmail

I hate boys and my way to fell in crush to ALL people that are nice to me.

Hate this.. and I seem also be 'the easy one' to fool around

I'm lonely but i still keep my level high with people and think that I can afford it to be picky.

GOD..

who am I
what do I want

Aleksi come back - I feel bad

Animal and snow videos!

Me:
Snowing video

ferret videos:
Didi w/ mustaches :DD
Didi making a trick w/ my dad
Che and my friend that is scared of her

Dog video:
Tuska's video

Because I want to be fat!

hmm yesterday was the Assembly winter After Party - had tons of fun but I'll update later about it :3 (..when I'll get some pictures, inte picture me and Sarski playing piano and singing <3)

school is okay.. though I have lost my ability to stress - but that's good I guess.
at the upper secondary school it's the same old, head between books all the time.

In the vocational school I'm preparing my final work.
I have bought all materials for it. I found very cheaple Klaus Haapaniemi's design textile (^ shown above) from Marimekko (only 20€/m)
I think I'll make it on time - the other girls are going very crazy hope they'll be okay.

Lately I have been training a lot and while making hard work to have a nice body - I think a lot of Food :----DD
and this has been my favorite thing this week http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

I just wish more chocolate and dessert entries ^^

This morning I woke up early from Althalu's (Tuomas) place next to Sarski(Sara)<3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKSERe8RI2d_4Re4zeYeml4yGSpX0kFOmyvokBMhqMWtlX31jvU6qvTzduEWo6Yc1IPelSRwrU64BPu8EocOEc6XCk0E4bi2EK4_R2UIAwX7F-LW5ILA_qJO0pqJS5bRuxcchrrdF78bU/s1600-h/P3070702.JPG">
Then later I saw theese marshmallow in the market while doing the grocerys ^^ Think they were cute, but too expencive :/ damn impoted gooodies!
Later I made some Tom Yum noodles and round eggs <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIzNxDdcdz_cWM89HRZp6gKLNwto_LgM50p8DBqqCPrdNO11ttdDIes36aWsNpeToWol3VTls-uk3ufMP4tRpPvi8fXZWARcKZ31H2DfjK8FQIS-Hdx5BzBYsVg4W0bdJEyPRRtWMHFa4/s1600-h/P3070704.JPG"> Then some outfit (visible also my haruhi cosplay on a puppet) Hair dyed into more temporarily violetred(do not like) wifebeater (H&M), Hoodie Aleksi's old - he just gave it to me, Skirt 19,90 €( Lindex child department), over-knee socks( Seppälä) 5,95 €, shoes/combatboots a present from a IRCfriend 69€(varusteleka, armyclothing) brass knuckles 4,50€ ?(Backstreet) :

Can't let go - Peach Petals

guess the feeling is still here.. One month and 7days - yesterday it was 3 months.
I guess I should make a card to him, that I will keep at myself - I'll fool myself.
Saw a dream ab it, a nightmare: gave him the card at bp then he just walked thru me, like I had passed a flyer :<

The boy in our school is akward, he makes me feel I'm totally new at the school - even it's in the other way around.
I see often that he has 4 eyes - other ones below his real eyes.
They are always watching me when "accidentally, passing by" I try to look at his direction.
His eyes have circles, like onion rings - light, then navy blue, light, navy blue..
But when he is peakin me behind his friend's shoulder ( me taking just a side look without turning head) they are dark - are you zoomin?
Too shy to speak - I enjoy coughing in front of you at the exam.

Mathematics, psychology and english again today - favorite courses for next year and one month.
Hope it could be already April that allows me to blush

Operator don't call me, I'll call you late

Hmm what has been happening, there won't be any picture taken by me now cuz im at my parents place.
At Wednesday we had a USA coach, Shane - he is keeping some lectures for our coaches to be better and I was part of a demogroup. demogroup haha
I learned some tips myself for example in streching - I'm flexible but not just pushing my limits enough.
I also managed to do the back hand spring on my own \o/ yay! Looking forward to the tomorrows Cheer Camp!

School has been: boring and have been alot absent - I'm not longer on track. Guess I have to read more.

I'm really looking forward to my trip to Germany n___n And I'm making kinda or progressing to avoid any "bad" feelings towards "mr.you-know-who-and-whose-name-can't-be-mentioned" - even the possibility that I would have been able take the train to his place ~400km heh .. from Köln. Well guess grew up or understand the reality :P
*hope so- stupid teenage crushes*

I'll stay few days at Topy(Thorin) and I still plan to do n+1 things that probably wont fit to the days as I'm very lazy, sleepy and slow moving person :DD
I'm planning to see the Dome (the church) and the Köln Zoo where I was last time in age of 2,5!
And I want to make some us-styled pancakes! And eat Icecream. The beer and wursten ill leave to breakpoint.

But cuz already started with "uuh my crush drama"it gives me a right to continue w/ shallow teen talk: My hair looks horrible (of course because its not pink) and boring and I want to color them pink to bp - AND I wish to have some pink hairextensions!! They are just maybe too expensive and I surely will feel myself very fake in them. But I could really look pretty pretty with long hair (more mature thinking x___X) - but I should keep them in a very good conditiong and it sound maybe too complicated .. "ehm what is moisturizing conditioner?"

I'm kinda broke but I'll have to buy some things on monday:

x hair bleach
x check if there has already arrived some clip-on vety-blonde extensions
x knee socks
x textile for my final work proto
x plastic bracelets

others where to budjet money:
x to pay ruinah back of the flight
x mini-laptop
x Reinahard's (Juho) computer hope he'll be okay w/ part payment
x pocket money for germany
x to pay the internet bill
x other needs for my final work

It got finally inserted to my arm! \o/ the big spot is of the anesthesia needle and the black marks are just of the pen ^^ its bigger and hurt less than imagined.

Im leaving to DEUTSCHLAND in 4th April and come back at 14th April
First I'll travel to Tampere,
then from there a flight to Frankfurt Hahn
Then a bus to Köln, Cologne (what ever.. :---DDDD)
Then Topy is going to pick me up n___n

Then one week of my new mini-laptop, hope some sightseeing and ircin :3 Talking about ferrets!
Then at 9th we'll drive towars Bingen Am Rhein to get Topy's stuuf ready for the event.

I hoped that i would have met Ruinah (Shawn) but he lives 400km away from Köln :/

But yeah... Germany here i come!

Huh one Winter Assembly as an organizer -again, though I promised myself I will NEVER go to Tampere to the cold! This time I just helped out the BuildCrew but I was a member of the CompoCrew - as an assistant of the organizer of the sport and social compitetions.

Here the Pirkkahalli( Tampere, Finland) is getting started with the Hall-AV.. so this is the space where the party is going on (right) then at the left working with cables "Down to the rabbithole!"
I was kinda very.. blue during the party as I had the flu w/ a high temperature. So people seem to be very.. non- enjoyable (but Sarski, Cornix and the group, Lassi<3)
So I decided to try out the warhammer painting thing. The boys were out of the metropolitan are so they were super fun to be with. This is my first one, that looks better irl. One of the boys was so truly amazed that let other hobbyist to compare which was his of the two (he teached me to paint step-by-step so we had the same colours^^)
I came later back and painted 2 more (pictures later) -despite there was guys asking me to play etc. I totally forgot the time and there went my 3 hours sitting and paiting lil space marines :DDD



There was again this love-pole :DD where you can click the switch and feel lucky, loved etc.
I was also a witness for the Finland Guitar Hero World Tour - Guiness World record.
My job was there to watch them play and to guard that the other witness is riding the blog.
Luckily we were doing 2-hours-shifts - unlike the guys who were playing.


Reinhard(Juho) had to left me by myself to held the compos, as he had some personal issues.
First I was really insecure of my skills but, luckily all participants were kids just having fun.
Held for example a disk (yes, them) and a CD-throwing compotetion, Wii Boxing, and soccer.



The average as was nearly 14, I guess. Sarski was there to be a judge for games, like DotA, CoD and CSs.
I had fun with the Group boys (whose worker Sarski is too) - they even invited me to join, and Zachu (Jani) asked me to be his avec at "ViroCompo" ( a cruise to Tallinn).
We went to sauna, ate together and we even slept together.
We slept near a big window, where we're able to see a snowy view<3 They had airmatresses with them that we fetached to each others so all we 6 were sleeping together.



This is "Manses(?)" wearing my bonnet at our GameInfo - we also kept eye on and where we worked at - so its ous GameBase. Pictures under, was taked at the thu-fri night as it was still "lil" bit messy.

And in the pictures under, are my all-time-fav crew members, BuildCrew boys and me!
Chatting, lazying and goofying around - and despite all taht we get our job proparly done!



Whooooaaa ~ then some üüber poor fashion things:
I got my long wished shirt- that says "organizer" - EGO!
Then, my pink bonnet again.
Liquour Branb's Pirate t-shirt - 2 € second hand
H&M Spider Man, boys undewear department ~5€



Hmm and there was all schools again advertizing themselves - should I really study after all theese years? Guess I could.. Try into a lil bit different direction, to get more experiences.
And I was also concidering to move-out from the metropolitan area.. nearly out or then to abroad. Like to Germany or Neitherlands. .. Let's see what future brings :3

Yes, I have to behave and give a more proper image of myself.
Dranix said i shouldn't give up wihtout trying. Maali says give up.
-- I'll believe the first one, as it motivates me to behave myself!

I don't care about my bad reputation

Didn't do musch today, woke up late, IRC, walked to my folks, waited for mom there and then we went to Ikea all three with my lil sister, Rowina.

Saw a weird dream - but in youth home they tend to tell me that dreams like that were just because my mind is trying to process the things that are bothering me. Hope so. Feeling jealous, Piglet from Winnie the Pooh, Aleksi - don't make any sence.

Ikea was fun as mom like to fool around and make joke of those scandinavian designs. For example there was a cabinett with a hole, that looked like a toilet, she went to sit there and we automatically started to laugh to it. Of course we ate alot. Then bought some toys to Didi, and some boxes for me that i can sort my lingerie from each other. Also we finally found a orange shower curtain.
Going to Ikea is always kind of an adventure.

I love Avril Lavigne
I love Didi
I love my whole family

My mom is so cute as she was :"stop talking about sex in internet, is bad, boys will hate you - especially HE will" then I just hugged her <3 guess she is right.
-"Also take your piercings off, his kind of guys don't like piercings!" - "actually he said he does"
-"OOO NOOO he doesnt" aww my mom is so small.

Going to burn some Avril LAvigne to my home then I'll be back at my own apartment.

edit. He didn't query me today :< well what a rollecoaster ride with my feelings. Guess i REALLY should focus to something more realistic.. but dreaming keeps me feeling alive and fancy. Magical. Having a crush on someone... what a feeling.
All the waiting. It would be totally different that if he would be a boy from my school, I'll see him tomorrow, he would be easily reacheable. This is different, can't sms him or call, cant ask for a cafe - it's just either the IRC or msn :D
How about if he has same feelings to someone else at breakpoint -well then its just like that. This is like when Blink 182's guitarist Tom Delonge was my HUUUUUGE crush. Wasn't so bad as he got married :DD
I'm so sure that as im dreaming about saying 'hey' to him, and almoust breaking my neck as i try to look into his eyes *his so tall!* or even hugging him - I'll just go very shy, wont be able to speak english, my small talk would suck and then ill just stay middle of other finns.

Play less CS!

As Ruinah (Shawn) pasted last night things I came up wondering, how hard it wil to maybe find somebody who understands my passions - or atleast accept them.
It was nice to wake up into a white sunny sunday. I have been feeling myself same time very tiny and powerful!
Today at the practise I wasn't fustrated at all - As people are coming more together and we do lots of new stuff like learning to count into fast music and doing jumps to it.
Then we also did bascket-tosses-reload- liberties, that was fun ^^

I'm trying to make up ridiculously small excuses to travel. I just want to travel. Today a finnair's plane lew above my head. Always so witless, metal piece flying in the air.
Inside Finland it's easy to travel, i can stay at my friends - abroad it's hard, cuz people aren't comfortable with the "overnights"-idea etc.

I want one specific feeling to myself.
The feeling like a magician would have poord honey, syrup and milk over me, leaving my backspine steaming of sweet moist - me smiling like there's nothing so wonderful than my life ans me being in love.