Sua en saa

Nollie Spankkiin laitan asiallisuuksia, tänne vineen.
Tähänkin tarvittiin taas uusi mies.
Olen ällöttynyt
Menneisyydestä heijastetaan liikkuvaa kuvaa ja järkyttyneitä tunteita - jatkoin silloinkinmun valkoisten sunnuntaiden nauttimisesta.
En edes muista kenen kanssa niitäkään oli.
Nyt ei tunnu hyvältä, olen pöhkö.
Ei näin saa kierrättää ja jakaa.
Mitä tämä kertoo tilanteestani, missä en saa miehen nimeä suusta ja olen salaisesti kurjistunu

Toivottavasti ei tarvitse olla sinulle mukava, vaikka oletkin minulle.
En tahdo hetkiä missä minä tunnen aidosti ensimmäisen kerran, ehkä sinulla on hullu pakkohulluus hullutella hetkiä uudestaan ja uudestaan.
Törkeää hän minun kaverini jonka juttuja luin ja kuuntelin.

Moi

With all your might

Last one.
Math please dont kill me, i love my calculator!
If i would know how put japanese influenced emoticons would put htem here.

You need to get over it

I kinda feel jealous and unwanted right now.
Jealousy was suprising - I dont even like him anymore, but still feeling like this.
evil evil
bad bad
i'm disapointed on myself, eaten the whole day and afraid of the possibility ill distroy my friends life.
I'm such an awful mess right now.
Lucky I have compotions, breakpoint and editoring articles keeping me busy.
But at this kind of moments when i have made everything for the day, reminds me how miserable I really am.

dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone. The right hand may also be a pun for some decision or something being "right". If your dream that your hands are detached or see disembodied hands, then it indicates feelings that you are not getting your point of view across or that others do not understand you. The dream may also symbolize feelings of loneliness.

Wake up pretty Suzie!

I'm so young and you're so old
This, my darling, I've been told
I don't care just what they say
'Cause forever I will pray
You and I will be as free
As the birds up in the trees
Oh, please stay by me, ipouni

Thrills I get when you hold me close
Oh, my darling, you're the most
I love you but do you love me
Oh, mister, can't you see
I love you with all my heart
And I hope we will never part
Oh, please stay with me, ipouni

Oh, my darlin', oh, my lover
Tell me that there is no other
I love you with my heart
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Only you can take my heart
Only you can tear it apart
When you hold me in your loving arms
I can feel you giving all your charms
Hold me, darling, ho-ho hold me tight
Squeeze me baby with-a all your might
Oh, please stay with me, MISTER

I kinda feel insane

But you dont stop trying

Busy busy.
But drawings, dishes from drinking chilicocoa, dozens of facecreams, body butters and CDs lying here and there tells that I have enjoyed myself and been productive.

mr. iPhone is in my oppinion more busy than ever since we met ( the spring awakening of the game industry) , but he sacrifices more time to spend with me compared to the past times.
As I decided not to reveal his identity in my blog i'll continue telling stuff in a form I feel okay
So, he does games, codes, reads about quantum mechanics.
After long days at work and business conferences he still has the time to have a undress-me-tag at the office or energy go to the movies :D
And it's never enough and I get moody. spoiled brat
I wish to have him overnight, put my hands around him while sleeping.
Kiss his cocacola tasting lips.
we are planning to travel to Japan. Hope this is for real.
He gave me his shirt. which smells like him.
He contacted one of my female-friends and it's kinda weird but guess he is trying to show something.

At times when I should be busy - I find myself trying to fall asleep, thinking about him or just smiling and making faces to myself in front of a mirror.
Trying to have lunch with someone.
I feel so, worthless.

" I didn't eat for three days, so I could be lovely"
I want the Skins DVD all-series-box..

The fact that my undergarmet drawer wont close is kinda amusing. I like to have funny panties, frilly ones, strawberry printed, boy-cuts, hellokitty and naughty ones ( which are the most boring ones, everyone has thongs)
I need bras, but it makes me feel so old to buy them. And frustrating when the dont have my size.
I have a weird desire to take mr. iPhone with me to buy them, everybody has a bf who comes with them. I want a one too.

Jesse Schell at DICE 2010

Xbox 360 Games - E3 2010 - Guitar Hero 5

Think about that <3

Video Girl Addiction

When you are told to be HYPER-AGGRESSIVE you must be loved!

I want to skate, run and scream until there is some blood coming from my mouth - and I can smile
...then go to bed and wake up
and have a bf^2 .. as boyfriend and breakfast
and to eat cake or rather macaroons in different colours.

No alcohol to me, again

Let's dance to Joy Division

"A guide to love, loss & desperation"
Dunno, if I missed this feeling of "stress" - the sense of hustle and that there's no enough of time.
Exams, practise, final-exams and this Suosikki thingie, not forgetting pre-enter-what-ever jobs which must be posted to school before this month ends.
I need to do alot before this month ends.
Lucky I get a month rest after this - squeezeeeeeeee the juices
dispite of all this hurry and .. discomfort I want to feel mr. ipouni ( like naadde spells it) smell and hear. Blessing in disguise that he also need to work. Inspiring.

Bodycontrol. Thinspiration. Damn those poets don't help me!
Here comes the anxiety

It would be so easy to just starve and do the work - but when the zenith of your day is to have a hambuger and a fatty chai latte with him, you'll have to admit that you have feelings.
I actually don't mind at all gaining a -/+ 500g when hanging out with him - I like him so much it makes me insane!
Am I now totally pathetic? Hope the rainbows other end is in April
Last weekend when beeing drunk I almoust made it public, but didn't

Funny when you are the other woman, the other woman kinda makes your life harder. But you dont hers.

That was my Lo, theese are my lilies - yes they are beautiful, really beautiful! Screamed Humbert Humbert in a joyful manner after seeing Lolita, but while watching lilies.
I dislike the english Lolita, I still love the finnish one and still searching for it from antiquarian bookshops. I like the finnish Humber Humbert, he is so cracked <3

I want to feel like super stressed out of this workamout but instead it makes me laugh :3
I love lady gaga!
nothing to say.. going to party and blow my brains out with fun<3

You are a maneater

So though I don't have a TV at home it doesn't mean I dislike it - I really get hooked on it where ever and when ever I have a change on it no matter what it is streaming!
While my lil sis was on the computer I watched the finnish soap-opera "Salatut elämä" which is kinda depressing with nasty topics and quarreling..

Most of reality-shows are lame - but Steven Ward's "Tough Love" was enjoyable and actually instructive! Atlast the problem is not in men but in women, with ugly behaviour habits! (okay, 1st some of the women had in the show sooo disgusting fake-n-bake tans that can't even imagine! .. but which would look good on yamanbas)
The topic of the episode was about money usage and about how to be yourself in good policies.
I tend to scare away people because of my inconsiderate consumption, dominating conversation style and my table-manners, so starting from tommorrow I'll follow Steven's tips and start to be a nicer girl who is [DATEABLE!] *a stamp used in the show*

Starstrukk

It keeps snowing - which is kinda nice, this is amount of snow is unbelievable already! :D
picture above is my parent's backyard - and yes that fence is about 140cm high..
I'm pretty bored and the fact that I should be spending time between school books doesn't inspire me. Heh, bought weeks ago Der Mond btw.
Yesterday I bought this funny steamer to make baozi (steamed buns)
They came out pretty cute :3 tried two different types of looks.. I like the more round one as the other one just looks nasty... - well practice makes perfect.

There is a "sexuality on silverscreen" theme going in a nice old movie theater, Orion and planning to go watch following ones:
The Pillow Book 3.3
Akasen tamanoi: nukeraremasu 6.4
Pinku Eiga *lecture* 9.4

Now I'm just tired so I start watching Love and pop for the 34567th time.. and probably fall asleep :3

Tommorrow mr. iPhone is going to spend with me over 24h :oooooooo <3

Et ole lainkaan toivoton

Just watched w/ finnish subtitles Lost In Translation - which I know years old, but my sister happened to have the dvd now. Traveling-fever.


I instantly fell in love to the movie.
The feeling of being in such a spectacular place but not feeling anything because of not knowing who you are, where are you heading and would it feel any better to be with someone or just be alone?
Age difference
The moment when feeling jealous even you are not sure is it suitable and trying to hide it but failing.
The movie came pretty close to my current moods and thoughts.
Hell, I'm going to book flights to Japan for xmas and New Year's as soon as i'll have the money.
I want to laugh while ranning to hold hands when listening to the noise of pachinko machines.

Tommorrow I'm going to buy a bamboo steamer cause I was going to entertain myself by cooking baozi/siopao.

Guess I'm kinda miserable - because there isn't him saying I'm really not.
In my oppinion my hand fits over his chest just perfectly.

My ferret is like a bear.

MOE MOE KYUN~!

Oh this anime is so *LOVE* surely need to see this!!
I was today in the maid-training for Desucon :3 I met new nice people and smiled my cheeks numb <3
Yes, I'm still obsessed with mr. iPhone.
I wan't a new computer, I need to learn C++
OMG I LOVE MY LIFE!

you'll never get another fix

I'm STILL downloading myself

My word is good

Matt just sent me e-mail ^^ - let that be the sign to send out all theese packages, couldn't afford it for a while as they are pretty heavy.

I miss New York.
I miss adventure.

I have jumped to be in a relationship, or I like to call it one-and-a-half as there is still a half that can't be ignored.
Brain doping
Not sure anymore what to think about things, so I asked him to go with me to Shanghai!
Also waiting for tickets to NYC!
Guess this year really will be about travelling! Amsterdam, Bingen, NYC .. probably Shanghai..

Had this very same feeling last year when booked the tickets to NYC - guess future has something exciting to offer! Hope so! :3

Dreams, dreams, dreams

(listening to kawaii-radio)
Yesterday I spent my day in the building of Yhtyneet kuvalehdet - as been chosen to be one of those 10 teenagers going to make the May issue of Suosikki ( a local teen amgazine)
It was so nice to meet so idea-rich teens coming all-around Finland! Also it was nice to see what kind of people are behind the magazine, less than I thought which mean they are very hardworking! Plus they do 5(?) other magazines pointed to kids and teens.
Fist I thought the atmosphere would have been very stiff and boring - make it feel like a miljon hours.. but now it was very laid-back as we discussed the security and behaviour in facebook!
Got lot's of yummy food! <3
They teached how to deal with media and how to interview and be interviewed! I interviewd for example Anne Kukkohovi! Dunno is it HD televisions or what but in the end it wasn't so uneasy to be in the table with an celebrity, it was okay chatting and laughing!
btw... Tommy Lindgren is way cuter live than in photos!
Also I enjoyed working with the other teenagers, I soooo admire people who have knowledge in specific fields or have sooooo rich and fresh ideas! Also I liked their attitude towards evertyhing!
After we were driven to Virgin Oil Co. ( nom Riviera pizza and tiramisu) ^^ we took some photos and then parted.
I wanted immediately start my work >:B !!
but.. instead I moaned mr.Phone to come dowantowan to have McDo or cocoa with me!
.. he came<3 He smells so goooood I could die!

I screwed the math test, cause I was too late - what to do
games and a nap then math-->

Wonder why I stuck into songs that will play over 20 time at loop

You dont know what you are talking about

The comprehension test went very well I guess and it was sooner over than expected^^

I fell totally in love with the ImagineFX magazine, it's something I have been seaching and needing for my whole life! It's a magazine from heaven!
The magazine contains lots of necessary articles to read about making and techniques and has a very helpful DVD in every issue!
It displays a wide range of different kind of artist and their styles - but remains very newbie-friendly, nevertheless it surely gives some new perspectives to the professional readers!
I'm already waiting for the next Pin-up themed issue! :3

Today I tried to browse something about computers - yes I suck with them, dunno anything about them "What kind of computer do you have? - and please don't say a white one" - to figure out prices. I own two laptops, both half dead, the HP was bought by my dad's perfect "Big and expensive is good"-logic and the acer mini is just for IRC, naadde just fixed ubuntu it \o/
So enough with laptops ( HP is like the man in my bed as it works for wathing movies very well :DDD) my parents are getting me a computer and xbox ( if I wont buy it by myself) for graduating and b-day. ( Yeah I know other teens get driving-schools and cars or designer bags - but this is what I need and want, also my family isn't rich)
Naadde promised to help me to build up a satisfying workstation - looking forward to it as I know he's not one of those insane mac-people, which I guess is important as you can't buy long-life computer packages anymore you need to be able updating constantly the parts and with mac I guess it would be difficult and expensive nor am I familiar with the structure of macs... you know PCs atleast have buttons and wires to push, hit and reconnect!
My so poor and absurd thinking about computers!
Only things I know are the requirements: Lot's of RAM, speedy processor and a high-end graphic card and theese features are going to be searched and made suitable for a student economy (might be a slight challegne!)- by Naadde. And I'll just assemble it!
Just like ordering a dollfie! You want, someone paints and stich and you just gather it to one piece and play!

Well after I noticed the new ImageFX haven't reached Finland yet, I noticed someone glare at me. Dispite I try to be in a way or another in good terms with ex-partners of anyones, (more than my own ones... heh LOL) the results aren't always what I wish for.
Those dotty black eyes and her style which hasn't change after all theese years made me petrified. Usually encountering ex-partners (..of ex-partners) might be akward but you know that with a few laugh it lightens, but with this girl it has been about blackmailing and calling me with names - me of course having just a tail between my legs.
She came towards like for a prey and all I did was just look at her with a iffy grin on my face.
I took off my glasses just for in case.
-"Hello, Niki was it?" -"Yeah, hello", damn with her eyes they are so pushy and the darkness is just abusmal!
-" What are you up to?" -"not much, came to check one magazine", I mumbled
-"Me neither! You want to join me for food? You like sweets don't you?" Giving a smile waiting for an awnser.
.." this must be a trap" but with my survival instinct of course I went.
Suddenly we were walking in a biting cold, under witner sun her tiny hands on my elbow. She's so chatty.
It almoust seemed like she didn't remember anything of the past, but it was okay I enjoyed her company and really changed my image of her as a jealous brat. She's twentysomething, but still looks like that 18-year-old lost messy poet she used to be.
She told me that I was probably the most separable by looks in the line of the guy's girlpartners.
And it was probably my smile and skintone. I agreed.
Messy dark-dyed messy hairs with dark botton eyes, tiny thin girls.
We atleast shared the fact that we had grown up alot mentally.
"You don't still have much of tits but you surely have grown balls there!"
She looks like Chihiro from Spirited away.

Mr.Phone texts me as his Neko, I wonder is it suitable to twist a version for a dude?
Guess it's kinda cheesy.. but I kinda want to.

Generic

Väittäisin ettei paljoa ole tapahtunut
En päässyt Genies-joukkueeseen kun niillä oli ennestään jo päällisiä.
Yläpuolella mun Silver Surfer-paita ( AWESOME TUULETUS)
ja nokia 9230:n takakuori (aika deco-den ystävällinen kun tulee jo valmiiksi monet vaihtokuoret joita tuunailla)
Tykkään treenaa ja vatsalihakset on pumpattuna aina vähintään naurulla.
Tänään oon piirtäny pegasi-logo ehdotuksia - tai siis printti ideoita, joukkue vaatteet on aina nam!


Eilen päivällä käytiin naadden kanssa avaamassa Tiikerin vuotta ja ostin sille teepannun koneeni korjaamisesta.
Illalla kiukuttelin kuin pikkulapsi kun Hra. Puhisin ei voinutkaan olla heti silloin kuin oletin - niin naismaista ja lapsellista minulta.. En vain voinut kestää sitä että minun iloani kuluu kaljatuopin äärellä! Osasin laskea minuutteja aamu-lähtöönsä olettaen hänen menevän sillä niin järjettömällä säännöllisellä aamubussilla!
Ajattelin olla möreä, tuittupää, sen sijaan olin kuin piri-puudeli kun hän saapui ovelleni! Ja aikakin kului odotaessa katsomalla nauraen TBBT:lle!
Sitten me vaan pussailtiin, ja kerrankin kun piti jatkaa Ergo Proxyn katsomista - me jäätiin sängylle juttelemaan moneksi tunniksi! Kello oli kuusi aamulla kun ajattelin nukkumisen olevan paikoillaan.
En huomannut asuntoni öistä lämpötilan laskua.
"Enkö mä ole tarpeeksi komea", kuin kiivin palaset oisivat tanssineet suussani tajusin että olen ihan hulluna tähän rillipäähän!
Tuntui niin oikealta.
Aamulla en halunnut teeskennellä edes nukkuvaa, katoin rohkeasti kun hän meni ovesta.
Nakuna on vain liian kylmä seistä, ollemmehan sentään suomessa - kukaan täällä seiso alasti.

Olen saanut uteliaisuudesta kiinni ja asioiden ihmettely on niin ihanaa!

Rusinoiksi

Kun tulin kotiin tiesin että minun on ryhdistäydyttävä kuvanteon suhteen!
Minulla oli kuitenkin hoppu, ja sen hopun päämäränä oli oppia miksi en pidä ( ei ole hyvä olla pitämättä jostain koska se luo negatiivista ilmapiiriä, silti luettelen) :
- Sottaisista ihmisistä
- Huumeita runsaasti käyttävistä ihmisistä
- Ihmisistä jotka juovat sosiaaliseen jännitykseen
- Jotka tupakoivat haisevasti (emt työkaverit jotka polttaa ei lemua röökille, no tytöt polttaa tuoksuja)
- Kaikkia noita kolmen edellisen mainitun päihteen käyttäjien heikkoutta antaa sen vaikuttaa elämäntyyliin.
Ällöä.
Ehkä oon hienostelija mut silti.

Kysyin sämpylää leikkaavalta äidiltäni, onko poika liian vanha minulle?
"Eipä kai jos hän haluaa hyötyä jostain muustakin sinussa kuin naisellisista ruuminaukoistasi - kuten sinun pirteästä sähköisestä luonteestasi ja jos hän kestää energisyytesi!" Kerrankin äiti ei tuhahtanut ali-arvostavin ilmein kun selitin kuinka näin Hra. Puhisimisen aivokuvat ja hänen kiinnostuksestaan aivoista, peleistä ja PSYKOLOGIASTA!
Kysyin vaikka eipä sillä ole mitään väliä, taitaa olla ensimmäinen kerta kun oikeastaan kysyn äidin mielipidettä jostain jonka toivon raahaavani ihan elävänä joskus sen eteen. Ahdistan itseänikin, kun tajuan että mielikuvitukseni on ennättänyt näin pitkälle ihmisestä joka ei edes tiedä kuinka ihastunut olen häneen.
Hänen aivokuvien perusteella voi selittää hänen käyttäytymistään, minäkin voisin lusikoida aukkoa oikeaan aivolohkooni jos se tuottaisi samanlaisia tuloksia, tosin minut kuolleena lusikka aivoissa voitaisiin tulkita väärin.

On uutta että joku on samaa mieltä, tykkää samoista asioista ja ajattelee samanlaisista asioista samankaltaisesti kanssani, samalla kun hänellä on sen verran eriävät mielipiteet että, tuntuu turvalliselta. Tykkään ihmisistä joilla on hyvä maku ja faktoihin perustuva väittelykyky.
Olemme kuin parabeelin x pisteissä.
Hän nukahtaa nopeasti, nauraa ääneen elokuville, pesee siististi hampaita (minä en..) ja ei pidä imurin äänestä (kukapa mies nyt tykkäisi, tiskivedestäkin menee sormet rusinalle<3).
Juodaan teetä, syödään poptartseja ja katsotaan elokuvia.
Rakastuin xboxiin
Lounaalla söisimme spagettia
En jaksa mennä kouluun vaan menemme lyömään vatsaitamme yhteen ja tekemään kaikkea puoli hölmöä. Syömään pizzaa ja nukkumaan.

Hyvä ettemme ole aina kun voimme yhdessä, tämänlaisesta odottamisesta ehkä tykkäänkin - odotan uusien perhosten lepattelua vatsaani.

Love, love is like a stubborn youth
Love, love hides in a smoky light
And I can never find the truth
Boy, your touches leave me mystified
And I wish I could believe in you